| A man was shopping in the men's department at Bloomingdale's when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter. He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam." She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?" The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly... But what I *need* is a new tie!" |
| A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties. He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?" She says, "It's me lower mouth." He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'" She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth t's got a moustache... It's got lips..." He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?" She says, "Not yet....." |
| When the gynecologist confirmed her suspicion that she was pregnant, Judy got a little scared. "It'll be my first baby," she confessed with a blush, "and actually I don't know the first thing about how babies are delivered." "Don't worry about a thing," reassured the doctor. "It's really not all that different from how the baby got started in the first place." Startled, Judy exclaimed, "You mean twice around the park with my legs hanging out of the cab?" |
| There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar. The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo. After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!" The men all look surprised. The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little gray mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?" The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman. Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile. One of the men asks, "What's wrong, sweet lady?" The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My pussy must have eaten it." |