| Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing ONE WORD in all possible positions in the sentence: "I fucked her in the bed yesterday." The word is "ONLY". The Message: 1. ONLY I fucked her in the bed yesterday. (No one else did). 2. I ONLY fucked her in the bed yesterday. (Confirmation). 3. I fucked ONLY her in the bed yesterday. (I did not fuck others). 4. I fucked her ONLY in the bed yesterday (I did not fuck outside the bed). 5. I fucked her in ONLY the bed yesterday (Not other places). 5. I fucked her in the ONLY bed yesterday (He doesn't have another bed). 7. I fucked her in the bed ONLY yesterday (Not today). 8. I fucked her in the bed yesterday ONLY (Did not wait for today). This is the beauty and complexity of the English language...!!!! |
| Three Texans were in a bar throwing back a few, while they were discussing the meaning of life. The conversation grew deeper and deeper when one of the gents started talking about reincarnation. The trio started considering the possibility of the existence of this phenomenon and what each would prefer to come back as given the choice. The first cowboy said, "Well I think if I had my 'druthers I'd come back as a big Brahman bull." The other two contemplated this choice and inquired as to why a bull. "Well," he said, "If I was a bull all I would have to do would be to lie around, eat and sleep all day. My women would be brought to me, and my owner would be paid for my services. That seem like a pretty good life to me." His two buddies both agreed that sounded like a good way to go through life, but one thought he could improve on it. He said, "I'd rather come back as a range bull." "A range bull, why a range bull?" "Well," he said, "If I was a range bull it would be much the same as the life Leroy was talkin' 'bout. All I would have to do all day is lie around, eat and sleep, but I wouldn't have no fences to hold me back, and I would have my choice of all the women on the range. That seems like the best life to me." Leroy nodded in agreement. Just then ol' Charlie spoke up. "Naw," he said as he shook his head, "Ya'll got it all wrong. I'd rather come back as a whale." "A whale, why in tarnation would you want to come back as a whale?" They were amazed at Charlie's statement. Charlie just grinned and said, "Can you imagine having a seven foot tongue and bein' able to breathe out of the top of your head?" |
| Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was like brand-new and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day. His boss was furious and threatened to fire Bill if he didn't sell any cars the following day. The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars. The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales. Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by your daughter who only used the backseat." |
| A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars? "Are you nuts?!!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. So they go into an alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?" "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much." |