| A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically, "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see there is your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead." |
| A man and wife were playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband, "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged three inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us." "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "We also found a golf ball lodged six inches into her anal cavity." The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was my second tee shot!" |
| Two die-hard golfers, Mike & Steve, are out playing a round when a thunderstorm comes roaring in. On the third tee, a bolt of lighting comes down and strikes both golfers dead. Arriving at those pearly gates, God comes down to talk to the two men. "Sorry, but we made a mistake" says God, "it seems that it was not your time to die. Now, I can send you back, but you have to go back as someone different. It's just too confusing since they already had the funerals. In fact your wives are already dating." After the two golfers have a little talk they approach God and make their request. "We decided we want to go back as a couple of lesbians," says Mike. "... good looking lesbians if you please" says Steve. "That's no problem," replies God "but I must know why you guys want to be lesbians" "Well we figure if we go back as lesbians we still get to have sex with woman..." says Mike. "...plus," adds Steve "we get to play from the ladies tee." |
| A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, "Private property Stay Out!" The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?" The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now." The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand." He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard. The man says, "What is that for?" The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls." |