| An older couple are playing in the annual club championship. They are playing in a play off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match. On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, "I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my dick." The wife just looked over at her husband, smiled and said, "Yes dear, but it was much harder!" |
| 1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls, either with hands or clubs. 2. All holes must be kept clean. 3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady partners in the second round. 4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen are taking short strokes. 5. Partners are requested to off off together at each tee. 6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke but continue to play. 7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies havethe privilege of choosing a new position. 8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length the hole. 9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any holes under repair. 10. While the management strives to improve the course in every way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes. |
| Silvio, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" "I'm Italian and I am a golfer..." says Silvio, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino and all is well." "Well...," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?" "Who said my Father's dead?" The doctor is amazed, "You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?" "He's 102 years old," says Silvio. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too." "Well....," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?" "Who said my Nonno's dead?" Stunned, the doctor asks, "Yyou mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living? Incredible!! How old is he?" "He's 123 years old," says the Old Italian golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" "No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today." At this point, the doctor is close to losing it, "Getting married? Why would a 123 year- old guy want to get married?" "Who said he wanted to get married.... He had to... ......THE GIRL GOT PREGNANT!!' |
| Ed & Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. |