| Three guys, Father, Son and Grandfather, go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, a gorgeous looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys, all stunned by her beauty, have no problem with this. The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do; cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game." The guys agree and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are strategically focused on her as her skirt rides up when she bends over to tee up the ball. She then proceeds to knock the ball right up the middle for about 275 yards. She continues to play a perfect round and pars every hole. They get to the 18th green and she has a 12-foot "bender' putt for par. She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not coaching me on my game. I've never shot par before and I really want to make this putt, so I'm going to ask each of you for your advice. Whoever gives me the advice that helps me sink this putt will get a best 'BLOW JOB' of his life." The kid walks over, eyes the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt 6 inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left and fall right into the cup." The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the kid, you need to aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left and drop right in." The Grandpa looks at both of them, walks over and picks up the ball, dropping it into the cup. He unzips his pants and says, "That's a Gimme!" |
| A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet. She goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those fucking lessons I took over the winter didn't help." One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead." |
| The mistress of an English Tudor country house had just hired a new house maid, an Irish lass, straight from a farm. The first day she was dusting in the Smoking Room where the Master of the house sat reading. On the mantel, she saw a small bowl containing a couple of round white balls. She, being curious and not bashful, asked, "What are these?" He looked up, saw where she was pointing, and answered, "Golf balls." She said, "Oh!" and went on dusting. A few days later, she was dusting again in the same room, where the master was again reading. Again, in the same bowl were white balls, only now there were four. She said, "I see you shot another Golf." |
| A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'" The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?" The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now." The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand!" He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard. The man says, "What is that for?" The golfer replies, "I consider myself a Gentleman, and I believe every Dick should have two balls. |