| An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads: COLD BEER: $5.00 HAMBURGER: $10.00 CHEESEBURGER: $15.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $18.50 HAND JOB: $250.00 Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. "May I help you sir?" The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?" She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, "Yes sir, I sure am." The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger. |
| A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'" The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?" The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now." The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand." He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard. The man says, "What is that for?" The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls." |
| The young female golf student had just finished private lessons with the club pro when he suggested she go out on the course and play nine holes on her own and report back to him. After playing #1 a bee stung her en route to #2 tee and she rushed back to the pro exclaiming, "A bee stung me, what shall I do? "Where were you stung?"h e asked "Between the first and second hole!" she replied. He looked at her and said, "Try closing your stance a bit." |
| A golfer whose cart broke down flagged down a passing bus and got aboard. He sat down on the bus, with his pants pockets full of golf balls, next to a little old lady. The little old lady kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her he said, "It's golf balls." The little old lady continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally said, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" |