| There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked
this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?" He said, "Why,... Yes I am!" So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!" |
| It was a sexual harassment case, and it had been a long day. The young lady accusing her boss said that she was too embarrassed to repeat the words that he said to her. The Judge suggested she write them down and that the words be shown to himself and the jury. She passed the note, which read - 'Go and take your knickers off, then come sit on my knee and have a drink with me tonight', to the Judge, who then passed it on to Fred, the foreperson of the jury. Fred went to pass it on to the next juror, a middle-aged spinster who had nodded off in the stuffy courtroom. He had to nudge her to bring back full consciousness. She woke, read the note, smiled, read it a second time, winked and nodded at Fred, then put the note in her handbag! |
| A man walks into a bar and sees a hot gorgeous woman. He walks up behind her and says, "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it goin' ?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it." Eyes wide with interest, he responds, "Really ? I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with ?" |
| A lawyer went to a remote village and stayed at the local inn for a few days. While he was there, he had an affair with the innkeeper's young daughter. A few months later he was back at the inn again, and the young girls was pregnant! When he confronted her, she admitted that the child was his. "But why didn't you let me know?" said the lawyer, "I would have married you!" "Well," replied the inkeeper's daughter, "Daddy said that one bastard in the family is quite enough!" |