| Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I`d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I`ll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That`s wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this......O...o...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That`s admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That`s amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) ...o...O I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..." |
| A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant`s arm to one year`s imprisonment. He may accompany it if he chooses to." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer`s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. |
| A police officer pulls over an elderly female for speeding while driving her husband to a doctors appointment. The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding. She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding." The officer asked the elderly female for her driver`s license and she turned and asked her husband "What did he say?. The husband replies "he wants to see your driver`s license." The women hands the officer her license and he sees that she is from his old home town. The officer tells the couple that he remembered the town because he had the worst sexual experience of his life there. The women looks at her husband and asked "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He says he knows you." |
| A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said that it didn`t. The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there`s no reason that you shouldn`t practice anal sex, if that`s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant. The woman was mystified. She asked "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think attorneys come from?" |