| Two tigers are walking single file along a narrow jungle path when the tiger in back takes off and disappears for a few minutes. Shortly after the other tiger returns to his place behind the lead tiger, the lead tiger feels what appears to be the trailing tiger's tongue applied just below his tail. Although he disapproves of this, he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to start any trouble. Shortly, the lead tiger feels the same sensation and, being thoroughly disgusted, decides to confront this butt-licker. He turns around and says to the other tiger, "Hey! Did you just lick me twice in the butt?" The rear tiger replies, "Yeah, and I'm very sorry about it. The trouble is, I just ate a lawyer and I was just trying to get the taste out of my mouth." |
| For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he`d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper`s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn`t you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin` and talkin` and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer." |
| One evening after attending a theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed lady walking just ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, "I`d give fifty bucks to spend the night with that woman." To their surprise, the young lady overheard their remarks, and turning around she said, "I`ll just take you up on that." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice. So after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment, where they immediately went to bed. The following morning, the man presented her with twenty five dollars and prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating, "I`ll sue you if you do not give me the full amount of fifty dollars." The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how the case is presented." After the usual preliminaries, the lady`s lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client this lady, is the owner of a piece of property. A garden spot surrounded by profuse shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of fifty dollars. The defendant took possession of the property, used it intensively for the purpose for which it was rented. But, upon evacuating the premises, he paid only twenty)five dollars, or half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance." The defendant`s lawyer was impressed, and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense therefore, was somewhat altered. "Your honor, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property. That she did rent the property for a time, and that a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property. Around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor being done by him personally. We claim that these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and therefore, ask that the judgment not be granted." The young lady`s lawyer came back as follows: "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property, and that he did know that the well existed, or he would not have rented the property. Also upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to little children. We therefore, ask that the judgment be granted." AND SHE GOT IT ! ! ! |
| After their car broke down on a lonely country road, three men sought a night`s shelter at a farmhouse. The farmer, poor but eager to help them, said that he only had two beds so one of the three would have to sleep in the barn. Immediately, one of the travelers, a polite Hindu mathematician, agreed and left for the barn. A short while later he returned and apologetically explained that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he could not sleep there. Another of the guests, a conservative rabbi, volunteered, picked up his bedding and left for the barn. It wasn`t long before he returned complaining that the pig in the barn made it impossible for him to sleep there. The last of the stranded trio, a lawyer, sighed and grudgingly picked up his bag and shuffled off to the barn. Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer answered it, there were the cows and the pig. |