-
Smoking Joe
Three guys are arrested in an adult bookstore and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:
"What is your name?" he asked.
"Joe," the guy answered.
"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke,” he answered.
The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Joe," the guy answered.
"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke.,” he answered.
Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is beginning to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought.
So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.
"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess, Joe," he said.
"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke." -
First Class Magistrate
A First Class Magistrate (FCM) is going thru' a forest one evening when his car breaks down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman.
FCM: Can I spend the night at your place?
Woman: Well. I live alone.
FCM: I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: I got only one bed.
FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: I go to bed naked.
FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: Be my guest, FCM.
Next morning while leaving, FCM finds the woman busy with her poultry.
FCM: Good birds you got there.
Woman: Yeah.
FCM: How many cocks and how many hens?
Woman: Two hundred hens, one cock.
FCM: But I can see over a dozen cocks around.
Woman: Only one cock over there. The others are first class magistrates. -
Rape Trial
At a rape trial the young victim was asked by the D.A. what the defendant said before the alleged assault.
Too embarrassed to answer aloud, the victim asked if she could write out the answer.
After reading the note, the judge instructed the jury foreman to read it and pass it among the rest of the jurors.
One juror, who had dozed off, was nudged by the woman juror sitting next to him.
He took the note from her and read, "I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before."
The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his pocket.
"Will juror number 12 please pass the note to me!" ordered the judge.
"I can't, Your Honor," the juror answered. "It's personal." -
Smart Rapist
There was a short fellow named Stubbs on trial for raping a woman, aided by a bucket. He adamantly protested his innocence, claiming inability.
Well, the judge said, "If you can prove you were physically incapable of raping this woman, we will certainly acquit you."
So the little guy stands on top of the bucket, and sure enough, he doesn't even come up to the woman's crotch. Keeping his word, the judge acquits him.
About a month later, the judge passes Stubbs on the sidewalk and says to him, "So... now that you've been freed of all charges, tell me, did you rape that woman?"
"Sure did!" Stubbs replies.
"But how? You didn't even come up to her crotch."
"Oh, you must have misunderstood. I just threw the bucket on top of her head and swung from the handle!"