| Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do problems on the blackboard that day. "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?" No one raised their hand. She called on Tommy, and with some help he finally got it right. "Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?" Students hid their faces. She called on Mark, who got the problem but there was some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him. "Who would like to do the third problem, division?" Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone looked at nothing in particular. The teacher called on Suzy, who got it right. "Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?" Johnny's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room. Mrs. Johnson finally gained her composure in the stunned silence. "Why the enthusiasm, Johnny?" "The Bible says to 'Go Forth and Multiply'!" |
| Little Johnny and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." Little Johnny says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either." Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?" Little Johnny proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock." |
| Dirty Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store. Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!" |
| For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $1,80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $1,80,000 mortgage. |