| A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon "quickie." "Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk." As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm." After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!" |
| After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some
time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?" To which he responded, "I found the remote." |
| The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable. One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed. Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door. "Too late to hurry now," said the girl, "Joe never prays!" |
| Sandy and John were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright, white couple. Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to have a black baby, and set to work. Nine months later, the fruits of their labor was born: a lovely white girl. Pleased but disappointed, John decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black baby. Realizing that John was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him aside and asked, "Is your wanker at least a foot long?" John had to admit that it was not. "And is it at least four inches wide?" Once more John replied in the negative. "Well, man, there's your problem!" the guy slapped him on the back. "You let in too much light!" |