| A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway." "You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything is OK but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it." Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, "You've got Pound 9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch." The bloke perks up at this. "So the thing is," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. "I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine inch she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?" "I have." says the fellow. "And has she helped you in making the decision?" "She has," says the bloke. "And what is it?" asks the doctor... "We're having a new kitchen!" |
| A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her! Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!" The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here." "Nah," said the husband musingly, "she doesn't even wear panties. |
| An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "Check this out!" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we should do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, now would be a good time to wash it." |
| The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber and was shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him, spread-eagle and naked on their bed. "My dear!" he exclaimed, "I expected to find you beside our bed and on your knees!" "OK," she said, obediently changing positions, "but I always get the hiccups when I screw in that position." |