| A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in the frying pan. "What are you doing?" he asks. "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied. Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..." |
| A man went to see the local doctor and complained because his wife was having too many little bastards; she was having at least one per year. He said, "Doc, ya gotta help me, I can't gets enough welfare or steal enough to feeds em all." The doctor got down his medical reference book and looked up the problem. He told his patient the book said if a man's bitch was having too many brats, he should remove the man's right testicle. He then administered anesthesia with a beer bottle and took out his pocket knife and performed the surgery. Three years later the man was back at the doctor's office complaining the surgery had failed; she was still having at least one per year. The wise doctor took his book back down and studied the problem. The doctor said, "Well, the book says if your wife is having too many brats to remove your right testicle, we've done that. If she still has too many brats, then we should remove the left testicle." Once again he got his beer bottle and his pocket knife and performed surgery. Three years later, the same man was back complaining the surgery had once again failed. The doctor was quite perplexed and got his book back down. After several minutes of study he told his patient, "It says here if a man's wife is having too many brats to remove his right testicle. If she continues to have too many brats, remove his left testicle. We've done all that. The next page says if the man's wife still has too many brats after you have removed both testicles, you've done castrated the wrong man!" |
| The impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra, but he doesn't want his wife to know about it. The doc prescribes it for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription. Home is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the little blue pills. When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife with words. That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes. They tear off each others clothes and are quickly in bed. He manages to "rise to the occasion" three times. Three times! He expects his wife to be delighted, but instead, she seems rather sad. "What's wrong, dear?" he asks. "I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and it's doing you in," she sighs. "What do you mean?" "I mean, even our sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages, and then -- three come all at once!" |
| A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." |