| After leaving their wedding reception, a young honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic hotel destination in the hills. The driver wasn't sure how to get there and said he'd ask for directions when they got nearer to their destination. Meanwhile the newlyweds started getting really passionate in the back seat and before long they had stripped off and were having sex. Seeing a fork in the road, the driver said, "I take the next turn, right?" "No way," panted the groom breathlessly. "Get your own girl. This one's mine." |
| A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good." The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?" The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!" The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?" She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, it feels good!" |
| A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskey sours, drinks them down BAM! BAM! BAM! Then he orders three more. The bartender's having a slow night and appreciates the business, but is also concerned. "Hey buddy, slow down. What seems to be the problem?" The guy answers, "I went on a week-long business trip, and had to leave my wife alone. I've had my suspicions about our next-door neighbor, so I hung a weight from the bottom of the bed-spring just above a bowl of cream." The bartender nods sympathetically and pours the guy another, "So you came home and found cream on the weight?" The guy downs his fourth whiskey sour and says, "It's worse than that. The cream had been churned into butter." |
| My wife's sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche. Astonished, my wife asked her, "How could you afford this?!" "You know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous," she replied. Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, "I think I'll start doing that." "Me too," I replied, turning to my sister in law. "What's your husband's number???" |