| This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store". He hasn't been "getting any" from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating. He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life. Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes. He asks her, "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of a sudden you come in and blow me. What happened?!" To which his wife replied, "I just washed the floor this morning. I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again." |
| An American, a Englishman and an Aussie are talking about screams of passion. The American said, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her Body with the finest body oil money can buy, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Englishman said, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with very special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love.. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Aussie said, "That's nothing!!!. Last night I massaged my wife, you know, all over her body with butter. I smeared her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The American and Englishman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? ....wow that's phenomenal ! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Aussie replied, "I wiped my buttery hands on the curtains." |
| A groom passed down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar. The best man noticed that the groom had the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man asked, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up with that smile?" The groom replied, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride came walking down the aisle, and she too had the biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor noticed this and asked, "Hey, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up with that smile?" The bride replied, "I'll never have to give another blow job for the rest of my life!" |
| A young couple married, and celebrated their first night together doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. When they get up in the morning, the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he gets out of the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opens the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped. She asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also shy, thought for a minute and said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." She, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?" |