| Joey married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce." "Well, your honor," Joey started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake." "Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said. "You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That`s why I want the divorce." he replied. |
| A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE THE RAKE." The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the heck was that?" She replies, "EYE LEFT TIT BEHIND THE BUSH." |
| A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him. "What colour?" she asked. He settled for white. "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty-four dollars." "Expensive, but ok," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea. "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No," he said, "nothing like that." "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles." He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears? |
| A husband asks his wife... Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes? Wife: Honey, of course I would. Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears? Wife: Absolutely sweetheart. Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair? Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions? Husband: I just sprained my wrist... |