| Enjoy this dialogue with double entendre. A husband and wife were very happy over the nine pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of famous newspaper and reported that he had become the proud owner of a nine pound nugget of gold. The editor upon hearing seemingly extraordinary news, sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown. When reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home.... Reporter: Does Mr. Brown live here? Mrs.Brown: Oh! yes. Reporter: Is he in? Mrs.Brown: No, he went somewhere. Reporter: Is it true that he owns nine pound nugget of gold? Mrs.Brown: (Realising the joke) Yes! Indeed. Reporter: Can I see the place where he found it? Mrs.Brown: I'm afraid not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private. Reporter: Is the place far? Mrs.Brown: No, it is quite near and convenient. Reporter: How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole? Mrs.Brown: Just about two years. Reporter: Is the hole deep? Mrs.Brown: Quite so... Reporter: At about what time Mr. Brown starts digging? Mrs.Brown: Oh, he does his digging mostly at night. Reporter: Does he work hard on it? Mrs.Brown: You bet.... and how he perspires. Reporter: Is Mr. Brown the first to dig? Mrs.Brown: He thought he was.... Reporter: How do you know there was someone ahead of him? Mrs.Brown: I'm in good position to say so, because I own the place. Reporter: Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown? Mrs.Brown: No, but for present he has the legal title to the site. Reporter: Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works? Mrs.Brown: Yes, I work under him.... Reporter: When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place? Mrs.Brown: I don't think so because he enjoys working on it. Reporter: Can I see the nine pound nugget of gold? Mrs.Brown: Yes, certainly... She showed him the nine pound baby boy... The reporter fainted.... |
| Sven is passing by Ole's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Ole doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right suspender, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers. Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay. "What on earth are you doing Ole?" says Sven. "Jeez Sven, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Ole, "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor." |
| An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, "Paddy! Paddy!" Paddy came running in. "Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor," she said. "Ohhh nooo!" Paddy said and tried to pull her up. "You're just too heavy, love. I'll go across the road and get Shamus." Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up. "Nope, I can't do it," Shamus said, "Let's try plan C." "Plan C?" exclaimed Paddy. "What's that?" "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her." "Oh okay," Paddy said. "While you're doing that I'll stay here and play with her tits." "Play with her tits?" Shamus said. "Why would you do that? This is hardly the time." Paddy replied, "Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive to replace. |
| The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch and starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "I'm going to the doctor. "She says, "Why, are you sick?" He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff." Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat. He says, "Where the hell are you going"? She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too." He says, "Why, what the hell do you need?" She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot! |