A couple that had been married for 20 years, every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she suddenly turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a "real one". She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids." |
A young farm couple got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love. The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do. "Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time." They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office. "What's wrong? Didn't my idea work?" "Oh, it worked good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come running. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home agin." "Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" "I might ah trained her too good. I ain't seen her since hunting season started!" |
A naive couple got married and celebrated their first night together doing what newlyweds do, time and time again but with the lights off. Morning came, the groom went to the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower. He asked his wife to bring one from the bedroom. When she opened the door, she saw his naked body for the first time. Her eyes went up and down and, about midway, they stopped and stared. She asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?" |
Bert and Mabel were a week away from their wedding day. Bert was beginning to get major stirrings so he decided to chance his arm. "Er, Mabel, as it is only a week to the big day, how's about a quick screw?" said Bert. Mabel's answer as expected was, "No Bert, it's only 6 days to go, however you can have a look at your prize." The next night Bert again pesters Mabel. Being an understanding sort, Mabel gives in and says, "It is still 5 days to go and as you've been a good fellow, I'll let you have a little feel of your prize." It only makes matters worse for Bert and by the next night he can hardly contain himself. Seeing his obvious predicament Mabel greets Bert and whispers in his ear, "I can see what your problem is but you've still got 4 days to go. I will however let you have a good sniff of your prize." Not being bashful, Bert lifts Mabel's skirts and sniffs. After a minute he comes up for air, "Mabel, do you think it will keep 'til Saturday?!?" |