| Once in Fort William, Calcutta, there was a requirement to send the Pipe Band to the Command Officers Mess in the evening. The Subedar Major of Sikh Battalion got orders just two hours prior to event. He called the Band JCO and passed the Orders. The Band JCO started dithering due to very short reaction time. The Subedar Major told the Band JCO, in chaste Punjabi... "Mainu Ni Pata Tussi Sham Nu Officers Mess Vich Band Bajao Ya Bundd, Awaz Changi Aani Chahidi Hai!, Koi Shakh?" True enough the band was there dot on time. Perfect example of CLARITY and FIRMNESS in Orders. |
| An army doctor walked into a room to check on his patient and to his alarm he seen a young army nurse masturbating him. He asked what to hell was going on. She said that the private had a condition where he needed to ejaculate every day. The doctor looking further surprised shook his head and said well ok. So he went on and continue his rounds. About an our later the same army doctor walked in to see another patient and the same army nurse was sitting their giving his patient a blow job. He said what in the hell is going on now. The army nurse said he's got a condition that he's required to ejaculate every day. The doctor responded by saying, "Well I just seen you treating a patient with a similar condition and you were masturbating him." The army nurse grabbed the patient's file and blurted out; But doctor he's a general. |
| A Marine, fresh back from a year at a North African embassy, told his wife, "Honey, I didn't waste all my time alone over there. Instead, I mastered the art of mind over matter. Watch this!" He dropped his pants and stood naked before her. "Dick, Attention!" And immediately it did. "Dick, at EASE!" And down it went. "That's amazing," said his wife. "Would you mind showing that to my friend, Susie?" "Not at all. Go get her." She left and returned with her hot young next door neighbor. "All right, watch this: Dick, Attention!" Up it went. Then, "Dick, at EASE!" But nothing happened. "Dick, at EASE!" But still nothing. "For the last time, AT EASE!" Nothing. The embarrassed Marine ran to the bathroom while his wife made excuses for him and then headed for the bathroom, where she found him masturbating. "What are you doing?" she demanded. He looked up and replied, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!" |
| The Commanding Officer of a U.S. Marine Corps regiment was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, so he decided to kill a little time by asking all assembled a question. "How much of sex is work and how much is pleasure?" The X.O. said 75% work, 25% pleasure. A captain said 50-50. A lieutenant responded 25% work, 75% pleasure, depending on how drunk he was at the time. With no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC in charge of making coffee. "What's your opinion, son?" Without hesitation, the young man responded, "It's 100% pleasure, sir!" The colonel was surprised, "Why?" "Because, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me do it for them!" |