| A Catholic girl went into confession and said to the priest, "l'm pregnant." He asked, "How did this happen, my child?" She said, "I think it must be the second coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it was the second coming?" She replied, "Because I swallowed the first." |
| A man enters a confession box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned." "Tell me what's on your mind my son," the priest replies. "Father," the man says, "I'm worried that I may be thrown out of the church." "Whatever for," says the priest. "I had sex with my wife from behind as she was leaning into the fridge." "Oh my!" says the priest a little stunned. "But she is your wife isn't she? And you were making love weren't you?" "She is my wife," the man answered, "and indeed we were making love. I've never loved another woman in my life." "Well, then my son," the priest says happily, "in the eyes of the Lord you've done nothing wrong." "But father," the man gasped, "does this mean that I won't be thrown out of the Church." "Of course not my son," the priest replies, "why would you be thrown out of the church?" "Well Father." the man replied, "we got thrown out of the frozen-food section of the supermarket." |
| In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don't feel worried by this. The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she's ready. "Who was the first woman?" Peter asks. "That's easy!" exclaims the nun. "Eve!" Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open. The second nun, encouraged by her colleagues easy pass, steps forwards and tells Peter that she's ready, as well. "Who was the first man?" Peter asks. "Easy! That's Adam!" says the nun, excitedly. Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open. The third nun is now confident that she won't have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter's question. "What were Eve's first words to Adam?" he asks. Stalling for time, "My, that's a hard one," the nun replies worriedly,.......... but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open... |
| A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had seven children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a perverted act and a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules!" |