| One day, very early in the morning while two worms were under a golf course. One worm says to the other "Check above ground and see if it is raining". The other worm agrees. At the same exact moment two women were on the course playing an early game. One woman was complaining about how bad she had to piss. The second woman says "Just go right here, nobody`s around". So the first woman squats at the exact same moment the second worm comes up from underground. "So, is it raining?" sez the first worm. "Yeah it`s raining, in fact it`s raining so hard the birds have turned their nests upside down. |
| A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she none the less complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" Demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can`t lie to you. I`ve been having an affair with my secretary and we`ve been having sex all afternoon and I fell asleep." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You`re lying! You ve been playing golf!" |
| I was cutting hair one day when a guy comes into my shop with a bandage around his neck. I put him in the chair and asked what happened. In a low raspy voice he said, "Yesterday I was playing golf with my mother in law. On the second hold she sliced her ball way over into a cow-pasture. She REALLY hates to loose a ball so we looked, and we looked, and we looked. There was no ball in sight. Just an old ugly cow. She screamed, I`m not leaving till I find that ball. After another usless search I passed by the cow and decided `what the hell` so I lifted the cows tail and sure enough there was a ball stuck there. I called my mother in law over and said, "does this look like yours" and she hit me in the throat with a 7 iron........... |
| This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband`s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband is home early!" The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can`t jump out the window! It`s raining like crazy out there and I`m naked!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and and jumped out the window! When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a "running marathon," so he started to run along beside the others - only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes over his arm. One of the runners asked, "Do you always run in the nude?" He answered, while gasping for breath, "Oh yes. It feels so freeing having the air blow over my skin while I`m running." Another runner then asked the nude lover, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" The naked lover answered breathessly, "Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car and just go straight home without a shower!" The marathon runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" The nude man answered, "Only if it`s raining." |