| The sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor was not very good at it, and uttered a loud "F***, missed!" each time he missed. The priest tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn`t take it anymore. "Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you". It didn`t make a difference, the sailor continued unabated. One after another, the sailor played badly, and followed up with "F***, missed!!". Again, the priest said "Do not utter such profanities, or God will show you a sign". It didn`t help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud "F***, missed!!". A bolt of lightning dropped out of the clouds and struck the priest dead. A voice was heard in the clouds "F***, missed!!". |
| A man while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th ! hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a saleswoman and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I`m in sales also. What do you sell?" She replied, "If I tell you, you`ll laugh." "No, I won`t." "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax." With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh." "That`vs not what I`m laughing at," he replied. "I`m a toilet paper salesman, so I`m still a hole behind you. |
| Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler`s trainer comes to him and says, "Now don`t forget all the research we`ve done on this Russian. He`s never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don`t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you`re finished!" The wrestler nods in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circle each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunges forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment goes up from the crowd, and the trainer buries his face in his hands for he knows all is lost. He can`t watch the ending. Suddenly there`s a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raises his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian`s back hits the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapses on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer is astounded! When he finally gets the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.", replied wrestler, "you`d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!" |
| A woman goes to the police station and complains that she has been raped by an Indian batsman. The policeman askes how she knew he was Indian. She replies, "Well, he wasn`t in for very long" ! (Ha, ha !) |