| A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed. The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock. In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths. In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front. In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch. He backed nothing. After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. "What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?", she asked. "It paid a fortune?" "Sh*t!!!" he said, "I thought you were telling me the favourite was scratched!" |
| In lane 1: Passionate Lady. In lane 2: Bare Belly. In lane 3: Silk Panties. In lane 4: Conscience. In lane 5: Jockey Shorts. In lane 6: Clean Sheets. In lane 7: Thighs. In lane 8: Big Dick. In lane 9: Heavy Bosom. In lane 10: Merry Cherry. AAAAAAAAAAND THEY'RE OFF. Conscience is left behind at the gate... Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured and Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs, and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot... AT THE HALFWAY MARK: It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick... AT THE STRETCH: It's Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.....Big Dick is making a final drive... Big Dick moves inside and Passionate Lady is coming... AT THE FINISH: It's Big Dick giving everything he's got....Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but... Big Dick comes through with one final thrust, and wins by a head... Bare Belly shows and Thighs weaken... Heavy Bosom pulls up.....and Clean Sheets never had a chance!!! |
| A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece. In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked. To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events. At the opening ceremonial parade Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed, "OH !! Limp Pricks!" Over the next two and a half millennia that morphed into "Olympics." |
| Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me, Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. Randier than a sailor who's been six months at sea, Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee. First let's take the pace man, pure speed from first to last! My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast. Then there's the medium pacer, his balls swing either way; He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day! And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap. If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap! Then there's the wily 'slow', pure cunning is his strength; He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length. So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree. Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease! He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease. The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes. When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes... And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two; When he arrives at the crease then only six will do. Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about; And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out! We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock, He doesn't mind if he's last man in, as long as he gets a knock. So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me: Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. And watch the wicket-keeper, girls, he's full of flair and dash; And if you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash. If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score; Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before! The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke, He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke. Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup; You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his finger up! So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me: !!!!Never Trust A Cricketer, Whoever He May Be |