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Christmas Gift
After her game of golf a lady player offered her caddy a ride into town. The caddy thankfully accepted, and when they arrived at her house he carried her clubs inside.
The lady invited him to stay for lunch and served him a wonderful meal.
She then invited him into the bedroom. He was puzzled, but went along out of curiosity. She asked if he wanted to go to bed with her, so he did that too. Later he realized it was time to get back to the course and prepared to leave. The housewife insisted on giving him a dollar before he could go.
Well it was too much for the poor man, and he asked her, "Lady, what is going on? First you feed me a delicious meal, and as if that isn't enough, you invite me to make love to you and we have a terrific time together. Now you want to pay me?! What is this, anyway?"
She explained proudly, "Well, you know Christmas is coming, and I told my husband I wanted to do something nice for my caddy who is so faithful and helped me so much this year. My husband said, 'Screw the caddy! Give him a dollar!'... the lunch was my idea! -
Four Balls !
A Scottish tourist was at a baseball game.
It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the mound; he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming: "Run, Run."
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scotsman was now exited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye basstarrd, rrrun!"
Everyone around him started laughing. So the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. A friendly fan, seeing the Scotsman's embarrassment, leaned over and said, "He can't run - he got four balls."
The Scotsman then stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man...walk with pride!" -
Hold my Balls
A prizefighter was driving across West Texas with his wife. He said, "Honey, I've been thinking. I've always heard how tough Texans are. Here I am with a 20-0 record in the ring. I feel like I'm tough but I've never fought a Texan. It's got me to wondering."
The wife said, "Oh Honey, that doesn't make any difference. You're successful at what you do. You've fought some mighty tough guys and you've always come out on top."
He said, "Yeah, but I still can't help but wonder. Before we get through this state, I'm going to have to whip a Texan's ass."
About that time a tire blew out. The fighter got stopped and it was about 110 degrees out in the West Texas sun. He was not looking forward to changing a tire in this heat. As he started pulling the jack out of the trunk, Ol' Bubba pulled up in his pickup.
Bubba hollered, "You need any help?"
The fighter said, "Yeah, I need a tire changed and I need to whip a Texan's ass. Which one do you want to help me with?"
Bubba said, "How about this? You whip my ass; I'll change your tire. I whip your ass, you hold my balls up out of the hot sand while I fuck your lady."
They agreed and got after it. A little later the prize fighter and his wife were back on the road and she said, "Honey, I guess that Texan wasn't so tough after all."
He said, "No, did you see the way he flinched when I dropped his balls in the hot sand?" -
Too Big!
A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling him he needed glasses.
Finally, he bought himself a pair, and his game improved 100%.
Back in the clubroom, they were talking over a few beers. "You're playing better since you got your glasses," one said.
"You're right, I look down, and the ball's as big as a basketball, just can't miss it now," he said. After a few more beers, he said. "Gotta go to the toilet; be back in a minute."
When he came back, the front of his trousers was all wet.
"Gee, what happened to you?" his friends asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "I got in there, pulled it out, and it looked too big to be mine, so I put it back.