| A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?" "Yes, sir," answered the boy. "I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?" "My father, sir." "And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly. "He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right." |
| FAQs on single-source double-mutant triple-helix Corona variant in India.... Q. Why curfew from 8pm to 7am? A. Due to rising temperatures with the onset of summer, Corona likes to step out when it gets cool. Hence the curfew. Q. Is it safe to attend Kumbh Mela? A. Yes. Corona is afraid of religion and does not attack the lakhs who gather to pray to God. Q. Is it safe to attend political rallies? A. Absolutely. Corona is terrified of politicians, especially the ones who occupy the highest posts. Q. Why are only 20 people or less allowed at cremations? A. Cremations generate lot of heat, which weakens the virus. It tries to escape by jumping from one person to the other. Research has shown that a critical mass of 21 or more people ensures survival of the virus. Hence the restriction of 20. Q. Why are only 50 people or less allowed at weddings? A. Indian weddings generate lot of sound & light, which scares the virus (as proved by the PM last year). The virus requires a critical mass of 51 or more people to survive. Q. Why does Corona not attack crowded buses? A. The virus has mutated and acquired human qualities. It hates road traffic and avoids buses due to the longer commute. Hence crowded buses are safe. Q. Are local trains dangerous? A. Yes. Corona prefers trains due to the quick commute. Also, the virus enjoys the breeze when standing on the footboard. Q. Does online shopping prevent Corona? A. Yes. Corona is not able to jump on to fast moving motorcycles and hence does not reach your home. Q. Why does Corona not attack slum dwellers & infects only high society residents? A. Corona has collaborated with hospitals and labs and targets only highly remunerative markets. Q. Does lockdown help? A. Indeed it does. Corona hangs around outside the door, waiting for people to step out to pick the newspaper, get the milk, go outside etc. Hence lockdown protects you by ensuring you stay inside your home. Note that Corona never enters your home from under the door, it has a high ego it stays outside till you go out and invite it in. Q. Can I see Covid? A. Covid is like Maya. It is everywhere & it is nowhere. Stay home. Stay safe. Stay mad. |
| Some ecclesiastical gentlemen -- a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others -- were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up. He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first. A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through. The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment? St. Peter smiled and told him, "While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined." |
| A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered. He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants.
With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back. Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back. There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section. Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'for coffee'? Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee." |