| A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. |
| About 30 years ago, a rich but old Punjabi woman had three sons-in-law. Each of them was better than the other in taking care of her and also, all of them respected the old lady very much. One day, without disclosing to anyone, the old woman wanted to know, who amongst them is the BEST and loved her the MOST. There are lot of canals in Punjab and this old lady one evening, organised a canal side party. In the middle of the party, she jumped into the canal. The eldest son-in-law without wasting much time, took of his watch and his clothes and jumped in the canal to save the old woman. She was mighty impressed and happy with him and hence, rewarded him with a brand new MARUTI 800. A price possession during those days. Everyone was quite happy and appreciative of her decision. After another two or three drinks session, she again jumped in the canal and this time the middle-one (son-in-law) lured by the earlier reward to the eldest, jumped immediately, even without taking off his clothes, in the canal and saved the old woman. Everyone including the old woman, was again quite happy and damn impressed with this guy. Generally the sons-in-law are greedy and this guy also being a bit greedy was scrupulously but anxiously waiting for the reward to be announced. To everyone's surprise, she announced and presented him with a "two wheeler" only. Now everyone was puzzled. Everyone was murmuring in the party, over the old woman's strange decision. In the meantime, she again jumped third time in the canal. But the youngest and the smartest one, this time didn't jump in the canal to save her thinking that MARUTI and two wheeler have already gone. She must have exhausted her money by now. So he may only get a BICYCLE at the most. The old woman is not worth saving in lieu of a BICYCLE, as a reward. Moreover, she has gone crazy over her decision making too. And hence, unfortunately.... the old woman DIED. Her last rites were carried out. After returning home from the crematorium, they all find a shining brand new MERCEDES, latest model, parked outside the house. And the agency guy, hands over the keys of the car to the youngest and the luckiest son-in-law. Now everyone was puzzled and thinking that although, the old woman gave MARUTI and two wheeler to her sons-in-law who SAVED her life yet, look at the destiny, after her death through the WILL, the LUCKIEST and the youngest guy is now getting a Mercedes for NOT SAVING her life. Any guesses why? No, the LUCKIEST one, got the MERCEDES from his "Punjabi Father-in-law" for his decision of NOT jumping into the canal and, in turn, inadvertently, returning to the poor old man, his Sweet BACHELORHOOD. |
| An extremely drunk man walks into a bar. He looks around for a while and, after staring at the only woman seated at the bar for some time, stumbles over to her and kisses her full on the lips. Shocked and outraged, she jumps up and slaps him hard. He apologizes immediately and explains, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. I love my wife and you look just like her." Not convinced of his innocence the woman yells, "I don't think you love anyone but yourself, you stupid, useless, crazy, drunk!" "Wow this is amazing," he hiccups, "You also speak just like her." |
| The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" |