| Got to be careful while paying by credit card!!!! Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon. So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a handgun for home/personal protection. When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun control wackos running amok... I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided... I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader..!!! As a senior citizen... I do not get flustered often... but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on!!! I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear. And I just need to wear underwear more often. |
| The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another
twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said, "It's easy, I just outlived the useless bitches." |
| So the Saas Bahu saga has not spared Buckingham Palace too. Just when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided to become financially independent and move to US/ Canada, all hell broke loose. Dadi-Saas, the Queen is furious because "Khandaan Ka Chhota Chirag" has got influenced by "Chhoti Bahu" and is breaking "Rajwaadon" Ka centuries old tradition of feeding on taxpayer's money. Chachaji, Bade Bhaiyya and Bhabhi are upset coz, "Humse Toh Salah Mashwara Kiya Hi Nahin, Khud Hi Decide Kar Liya... Ye Hi Izzat Hai Hamari Unke Dil Mein!!!" I'm sure somewhere some Maami - Chachi must be feeling vindicated, "Maine Kaha Tha Meri Devrani Ki Behen Ki Beti Se Shaadi Karo Harry Ki... Us Amriki Ladki Ko Ghar Mein Laoge Toh Ghar Toot Jaayega. Bahu Nahin, Nagin Hai Nagin. Dekhna, Ek Din Mere Harry Ko Bhi Dhokha Degi... Tab Dauda Chale Aayega Humse Maafi Maangne." There must be speculations regarding "Ghar Ka Bantwara... Jaamun Ka Ped Kiske Hisse Mein Aayega". And of course, "Log Kya Kahenge... Royal prince and Dutchess working to earn a livelihood... Khandaan Ka Naam Mitti Mein Mila Diya Beta Bahu Ne." Prince William must be standing in front of Lady Diana's pic, consoling his dad and saying, "Aaj Maa Zinda Hoti To Aisa Kabhi Nahin Hone Deti." But I think Badi Bahu, Kate Middleton must be having the last laugh, "Chhote Ghar Se Hui Toh Kya Hua... Sanskar Aur Khandaan Ki Pratishtha Toh Maine Hi Sambhali Hai..." |
| A Mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary. The Manager saw the woman's colorful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled hair, and his mind was screaming: "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless he had to interview her. So told her: If you make a sentence using all the words that I give you, then maybe I give you a chance at the job. The words are: GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE & BLACK. The enthusiastic Mallu sat staring at the ceiling thinking for a while. She then let out a dorky laugh and said, "I hear the phone ring, GREEN GREEN GREEN, then O go PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW... BLUE's that?? Sorry WHITE did you say? Aiyyo... Wrong Number!! Don't simbly PURPLELY disturb people and don't call me BLACK next time WOKAY !!... Thank you" Manager fainted!!!! Pass it on to get a free pack of benana chibbs. (Joking, zimbly read and yenjay) |