| Jane walked into a pharmacy, strolled over to the counter, and caught the pharmacist's attention. "Can I please get some arsenic?" she asked. "Arsenic? What do you want arsenic for?" asked the pharmacist. "It's for my husband," she replied. "Your husband?" exclaimed the pharmacist, "I hope you don't mean what I think you mean!" She just nodded. "Well, lady," he replied, "I'm an honest man. I can't sell you arsenic, I wouldn't if I could, and I don't know what made you think you could just stroll into a respectable store and expect me me to sell you arsenic!" She didn't say a word. She just reached into her purse, fished out a photograph, and handed it across the counter. It was a picture of her husband, in bed with the pharmacist's wife. Slowly the pharmacist looks up, over the counter, and then straight at her. "Lady," he said, "why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?" |
| Pedro gets a New Secretary. He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye. Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs? Pedro (feigning ignorance): Didn't quite notice. Dora: What color are her eyes? Pedro (quietly): Haven't had the time to check. Dora: What are the nail polish colors she uses, mettalic, gel or neon ? Pedro (rolling up his eye): Not a clue in the world. Dora: Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick. Pedro (looking quizzed): I barely spoke to her, so dont know. Dora: How does she dress? Pedro (innocently): VERY quickly... His Funeral is tomorrow. |
| Wife: Darling, I have a question. When Hindu God's Shiva and Parvati stand together, Shiva always has a "Thrishulam". When Vishnu and Lakshmi stand together, Vishnu has a "Sudarshana Chakra". When Ram and Seetha stand together, Ram has an Arrow and Bow. But, when Krishna and Radha stand together, Krishna has no weapon, but only a flute. WHY? Husband: Simple answer! The first three Gods stood with their wives. Krishna stood with his lover. Whoever stands with his wife NEEDS a WEAPON! |
| Two judges were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other. One took the stand and the other said, "How do you plead?" "Guilty." "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court." The two judges shook hands and changed places. "How do you plead?" asked the judge. "Guilty." The judge reflected for a moment, and said, "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late. In fact, this is the second such incident in the last fifteen minutes. That will be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail." |