| Dave was feeling depressed, and his best friend Keith decided to take Dave to the Pub, to try and cheer him up. He asked Dave what was it that was troubling him, but Dave didn't want to talk about it. So they sat there getting slowly pissed. Keith matched Dave drink for drink, trying to get him to talk about what was troubling him. Gentle prodding was ignored until finally, after downing the sixth, Dave blurted out, "OK, it's your wife." "My wife?" his Keith demanded. "What about my wife?" "I think she's cheating on us." |
| "What's that drink you're mixing" the stranger asked the bartender in the upscale Tex-Mex bar. "I call it a lil' Texas Shooter", said the bartender as he continued to mix up several batches of the drink. "What's in it ?" asked the stranger. "Sugar, milk and rum." said the barkeep. "Is it good ?" asked the man. "Sure is senor." said the bartender smiling. "The sugar gives you pep, and the milk gives you plenty of energy." "And the rum?" asked the stranger. "Hell man. That gives ya plenty of ideas what to do with all that pep and energy." quipped the bartender. |
| A warning to all you drivers at Christmas A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a Bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a Bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a Bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.... |
| A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar, "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and they stumble up the steps to his house the drunk almost having to be carried. The drunk's wife greets them at the door, "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?" |