| JACK (3 yrs) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: `Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk? MELANIE (5yrs) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Said Melanie, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six." STEVEN (3yrs) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window." BRITTANY (4yrs) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know?" SUSAN (4yrs) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough." MARC (4yrs) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?" JAMES (4yrs) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?" |
| A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?" |
| Teacher: Construct a sentence using the word sugar. Pupil: I drank tea this morning. Teacher: Where is the word sugar. Pupil: It is already in the tea...!!! TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis. TEACHER: Class, what is photosynthesis? Student: Photosynthesis is our topic today. TEACHER: John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with Mangoes) Student: Mangoes, John is coming to pick you... TEACHER: What do you call mosquitoes in your language? Student: We don't call them, they come on their own... TEACHER: Name the nation, people hate most. Student: Exami-nation... TEACHER: How can we keep our school clean? Student: By staying at home... TEACHER: One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that?? Student: Future impossible tense... |
| A young boy enters the barber shop and Bill Soprovitch the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!!!!" |