| An Indian farmer walking through his field notices a foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand. The Farmer shouts, "Woh paani mat peena. Usmein gayein, bhains or suwar nahate hain, potty karte hain, sussu karte hain! (which means, Don't drink that water, the cows, the buffaloes and the pigs shit and pee in it!)" The man shouts back, "I'm a foreigner, I don't understand your bloody gibberish. Speak English, you bloody Indian idiot!" The farmer shouts back in English, "Use two hands dude, you can drink more!" |
| A White Man visited Ozoro Community in Delta State and saw the people carrying blocks on their heads from a far distance to a building site, they were building a town hall. The White Man felt pity on them, donated a wheel barrow and travelled back. One month later, the white man came back. He was surprised to see that the work was still slow, even with a wheel barrow. He looked around and got shocked to see the on-coming wheel barrow with a guy pushing it, and another guy sitting inside it, smiling, with a block on his head. |
| An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived." "Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life." The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "G'day, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for brikfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-Me-Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than 'G'day mate.') On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick. "How," said the Aussie. "Scrambled," said the Chief. |
| A Chinese decides to retire and move to USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land. A few days after moving in. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day. The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese leading a bull down the drive-way, ...pause...., and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt. The American bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese and says, "Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you." The Chinaman is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no ... Chinese customs I doing, these American Customs." "What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs." "Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese, "He say to become true American, I must learn to .... chase chicks, .... get piss drunk, and ....listen to bull-shit." |