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Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the American devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the Australian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the American hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asked the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business." -
Home Run
A local community club was organizing a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, and were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood, to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so did the Englishman.
"Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball." -
Highway Accident
A moment or two after a highway accident, an old Jewish man came up to a woman lying by the roadside.
"Have the police come yet?" the man asked.
"No," the woman moaned.
"Has the ambulance been here yet?"
"No," the injured woman repeated.
"How about the insurance company?"
"No."
"Listen," the Jewish man said, bending down. "Do you mind if I lay down next to you?" -
Fiat Uno
Five Irishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The gorgeous blonde Italian customs agent stops and tells them, "It's illegal to put five people in a Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asks the driver.
"Quattro means four," replied the blonde.
"Quattro is just the name of the car," the Irishman retorted in disbelief, "Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the Italian customs agent, "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and are therefore breaking the law".
The driver replies angrily, "Brainless idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," she said sweetly, "he can't come right now. He's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno."