| A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend
and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in
the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he
said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get
our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "The same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too." |
| 60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
Michigan people sunbathe. 50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Michigan people plant gardens. 40 above - Italian cars won`t start. Michigan people drive with the windows down. 32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan`s water gets thicker. 20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Michigan people have the last cookout before it gets cold. 15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Michigan people throw on a sweatshirt. 0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico. Michigan people throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt. 20 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Michigan people get out their winter coats. 40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Michigan Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door. 60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica. Michigan`s Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough. 80 below - Mount St. Helen`s freezes. Michigan people rent some videos. 100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Michigan people get frustrated when they can`t thaw the keg. 297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Michigan cows complain of farmers with cold hands. 460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Michigan people start saying. . ."Cold `nuff for ya??" 500 below - Hell freezes over. The Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl. Keep Smiling.......It Makes the World A Brighter Place |
| There once was a husband and wife couple who, trying as hard as they could, were unable to produce little children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest. "My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning a stay in Rome, and while I am visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple. Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time - 15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit." And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States. While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. Upon arriving at the residence of the two troubled people who sought his council years previously, he rang the doorbell. Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife. My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!" "He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone."Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest. She hesitated, sobbed, and finally blurted out, "To blow out that candle you lit !!!" |
| A little boy who wanted $100 very badly prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter to "God, USA," they decided to send it to President Clinton. The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. Mr. Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5, and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to God which read, "Dear God, Thank you for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C., and as usual, they deducted $95!" |