| So, my wife managed to crash the car again today. When the police showed up, she was all fired up, insisting that the guy she hit was being totally reckless. "He was on his phone! Can you believe it?!" she exclaimed. "And, to make matters worse, he was sitting there, casually sipping on a can of beer!" The officer, trying his best to hold back a smile, took a deep breath, looked her dead in the eye, and said, "Ma'am... he can do whatever he wants... in his own living room." |
| Two multimillionaire friends met up for lunch and started chatting. "So how's your home life?" asks the first multimillionaire. "Couldn't be better," replies the second multimillionaire. "I bought an elephant!" "An elephant? Are you crazy?" "It's the best purchase I ever made! He grazes the lawn and makes it nice and even. The kids love to ride him and slide down his trunk, so now they are playing outside and being kids instead of just watching TV all day. My wife loves him too. He's very strong and helps her move things when I'm not around. Honestly, I can't think of a better pet." The first multimillionaire thinks for a moment. "That's actually kind of amazing. How much did you pay for him?" "Five hundred thousand dollars. What a bargain, huh?" "Can I buy him for one million dollars?" "What?! I can't sell him. He's part of my family now!" "Okay. Two million?" "You can't put a price on something so useful!" "Three million?" "Fine. I'll sell him for three million dollars, but only because you're my friend." A few months later, the multimillionaires meet again. The first multimillionaire is raging. "The elephant may have been useful to you, but he's a burden to me. He may have grazed your lawn, but he ate all my trees and left dung all over my lawn. The kids are terrified of that huge, noisy, aggressive thing. My wife and I haven't had a good night's sleep in months because the elephant keeps us awake. It's the worst purchase I ever made!" "I don't know what to say," says the second multimillionaire. "But with that attitude, you'll never be able to sell him!" |
| The king wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting. The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm." The king replied, "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky The King and Queen were totally soaked. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster. The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain." So the king hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government. The practice is unbroken to this date. |
| An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio, "Airbus, boring flight isn't it? Now have a look here!" He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?" The Airbus pilot answers, "Very impressive, but watch this!" The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?" Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?" The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry." The moral of the story is: When you're young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important. This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter. Dedicated to old fellas - it's time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip. |