| 1. Laxman to Seeta: Stay offline. 2. Mayawati ctrls+all+dalits. 3. My watch is stuck between 2 and 2.30. It's a do or dhai situation. 4. 4. What did Jaya say to Abhishek when they saw Amitabh coming home in a rickshaw? "Rickshey mein toh woh tumhare baap lagte hai." 5. A potato was interrogated by cops. After 3 hours of torture, it gave in and said, "Main batata hun, main batata hun..." 6. A well executed theft in which there are no finger prints left is a stainless steal. 7. "Yahoo! Messenger." - Sita after seeing Hanuman in Lanka for the first time. 8. Friends pay restaurant bills on a de-tu-de basis. 9. 'I laughed yesterday' in Hindi is 'Michael Hussey'. 10. They don't facepalm in Indian villages. They Sarpanch. 11. An old lady asked me the way to the city court, I replied 'Magistrate.' 12. Me: "Excuse me, Beer ke saath kuch complementary toh do?" Waiter: "Nice Shirt!" 13. Rahul Dravid's wristwatch is technically a wall clock. 14. Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates. 15. "What's the way to the cemetery?" "Go straight and take the last rite." 16. Vishwanathan Anand gets tense when the waiter in the hotel says, "Check!" |
| Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up. "Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee." "Brad, open the newspaper to page 31." "Why, what's in the paper?" "Brad, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!" "Ok, Ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 31?" "Brad, open the paper to page 31 already!" "All right, don't be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what's on page 31 that's so important?" "Brad, look at the bottom of column 4." "Why? What's that story on?" "Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!" "OK, OK, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!" The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues... Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, "So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?" |
| Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Rail Road. He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider. One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched. "Where are you going today?" Bob asked, smiling. "Well, what does the ticket say?" replied the traveler sarcastically. "Um, it says you're on the wrong train," Bob informed him. "What am I supposed to do now?" asked the flustered passenger. Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, "Ask the ticket." |
| Q: How do you tickle a Rich Girl? A: Gucci... Gucci... Gucci... Q: How does a Rich Girl Curse? A: Oh Teri Fendi! Q: How does a Rich Girl Sneeze? A: Jimmy Choo.. Jimmy Choo... Q: How does a rich girl laugh? A: Rolex on the floor laughing. Q: How do you serenade a Rich Girl? A: By singing her a romantic Cavalli? Q:How does a rich girl exclaim? A: Omega! Q: What does a rich girl do when she's bored watching TV? A: She changes the Chanel. Q: How to annoy rich girl on FB? A: Tag Heuer on your posts. Q: What do you call an absconding rich girl? A: Ferrari. Q: How to you address a rich girl? A: Oh my Dior... And for guys who are still confused, ask Tommy. Hilfiger it out. |