| This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents." About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart." |
| Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "This is for washing our hair." The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers." |
| About 30 years ago, a rich but old Punjabi woman had three sons-in-law. Each of them was better than the other in taking care of her and also, all of them respected the old lady very much. One day, without disclosing to anyone, the old woman wanted to know, who amongst them is the BEST and loved her the MOST. There are lot of canals in Punjab and this old lady one evening, organised a canal side party. In the middle of the party, she jumped into the canal. The eldest son-in-law without wasting much time, took of his watch and his clothes and jumped in the canal to save the old woman. She was mighty impressed and happy with him and hence, rewarded him with a brand new MARUTI 800. A price possession during those days. Everyone was quite happy and appreciative of her decision. After another two or three drinks session, she again jumped in the canal and this time the middle-one (son-in-law) lured by the earlier reward to the eldest, jumped immediately, even without taking off his clothes, in the canal and saved the old woman. Everyone including the old woman, was again quite happy and damn impressed with this guy. Generally the sons-in-law are greedy and this guy also being a bit greedy was scrupulously but anxiously waiting for the reward to be announced. To everyone's surprise, she announced and presented him with a "two wheeler" only. Now everyone was puzzled. Everyone was murmuring in the party, over the old woman's strange decision. In the meantime, she again jumped third time in the canal. But the youngest and the smartest one, this time didn't jump in the canal to save her thinking that MARUTI and two wheeler have already gone. She must have exhausted her money by now. So he may only get a BICYCLE at the most. The old woman is not worth saving in lieu of a BICYCLE, as a reward. Moreover, she has gone crazy over her decision making too. And hence, unfortunately.... the old woman DIED. Her last rites were carried out. After returning home from the crematorium, they all find a shining brand new MERCEDES, latest model, parked outside the house. And the agency guy, hands over the keys of the car to the youngest and the luckiest son-in-law. Now everyone was puzzled and thinking that although, the old woman gave MARUTI and two wheeler to her sons-in-law who SAVED her life yet, look at the destiny, after her death through the WILL, the LUCKIEST and the youngest guy is now getting a Mercedes for NOT SAVING her life. Any guesses why? No, the LUCKIEST one, got the MERCEDES from his "Punjabi Father-in-law" for his decision of NOT jumping into the canal and, in turn, inadvertently, returning to the poor old man, his Sweet BACHELORHOOD. |
| A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. `This must be a mistake,` the man says. `I've been here only 20 minutes!` `No mistake,` the doctor says. `It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.` |