| There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish. They politely say to each other, "You may choose first." "No, you may choose first." And this goes on for a while. Then the first person says, "OK, I'll take first." And he takes the BIG piece of fish. The second person, "Why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!" The first person says, "Which piece would *you* have taken?" The second person replies, "Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course." The first person says, "Well, that's what you have now!" |
| Pankaj Udhas dips his french fries in afsauce. My internet connection just betrayed me. Isse kehte hain bewifi. People who don't like Agarbattis are really incenseitive. What's the need to arrest Vijay Mallya? He has anyway spent most of his life behind bars. Jackie Shroff's dog is Scoobhidu. What do you call people who don't believe in going to the gym? Gymnastiks. Main Roti rehti hoon, wo Atta hi nahi. How do you pronounce repertoire?" "You know the word 'report' right?" "Yeah" "Now say it like a Bihari" "ripatwa... ohhhh" If you pay for a Patanjali anti hair-fall product with PayTM and apply a valid coupon code, you get keshback! Never say "give me five" to a snake. Woh tumhe dus dega. |
| A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?" |
| On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." |