| A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since it can: 1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting. 2. it is a major component in acid rain. 3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state. 4. accidental inhalation can kill you. 5. it contributes to erosion. 6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes, 7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients. He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. One hundred forty-three said yes. Six were undecided. Only one knew that the chemical was... Water! The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. |
| A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be. The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious pieces of gigantic steaks. To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen. "Now see here," the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. "Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, steak. Today, though, when I have my friends invited, you serve small miniature steaks! What is the meaning of this?" "Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "yesterday you were sitting by the window." |
| A woman from Michigan and another from the East coast were seated side-by-side on an airplane. The woman from Michigan, being friendly and all, said, "So, where are you from?" The East coast woman said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The woman from Michigan sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where are you from, you silly bitch?" |
| A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are." |