| Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success. "Abe," she says, with tears in her eyes, "I don't think you love me." "Why do you think that?" he asks. "Because if you really loved me, you would ensure that if anything happened to you, God forbid, I would be properly provided for." "Sarah," he says angrily, "I need life insurance like I need a hole in the head." "I know your views," says Sarah, "but I've spoken to two of my friends recently and they tell me that their husbands have life insurance -- and they're not as rich as you. If it's good enough for them, why isn't it good enough for you?" "I'll tell you why," replies Abe. "It's because they've been paying high premiums month after month, and what have they got so far in return? Nothing!" "So what if their husbands have been paying for nothing?" says Sarah. You've always told me I'm luckier than my friends -- who knows, maybe this time I'll strike it rich." |
| A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door." |
| A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied, "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket." The man said, "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on." The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. She replied, "Your horse called." |
| Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet. Officer: What is her height? Husband: Average, I guess. Officer: Weight? Husband: Average, I guess. Officer: Color of eyes? Husband: Never noticed. Officer: Color of hair? Husband: Changes according to season. Officer: What was she wearing? Husband: Not sure, either a dress or a suit. Officer: Was she driving? Husband: Yes. Officer: Color and make of car? Husband: Black Tesla AWD Dual Motor Model P85D with 691 HP, it does 0-60 in 5.4 seconds, has LED headlights, cornering and fog lights and the tech package with auto pilot. There's a small scratch on the driver door next to the handle.... and then the husband started crying... |