| Telephone in the White House rang. "Hello Mr. Bush," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Santa down in Ludhiana, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on
you!" "Well, Santa ," Bush replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," says Santa after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my friend Banta , my next door neighbour Gurinder and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!" Bush sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word" "OK," says Santa . "I`ll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Santa calls back."Right Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Santa ?" Bush asks. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gill`s tractor from the farm" Once more Bush sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000 minelayers, 10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke" "I`ll be dogged!" says Santa . "I`ll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Santa calls again the next day."Right Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We`ve gotten out old Govind`s crop sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the Hockey team has joined us as well!" Once more Bush sighs and says "I must tell you Santa that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverability attack planes and my military installations are surrounded by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million." "Oh cripes," says Santa . "I`ll have to ring you back" Santa calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Bush, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war" "I`m very happy to hear that," says Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Santa , "We`ve all had a chat and found that there`s no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war" |
| On retirement form the army, Santa and Banta settled in adjoining villages on the Kalka-Simla highway. One day Santa invited Banta to dinner to meet his visiting relations from London. Banta thought that as the path was steep it would be useful for him to take a lantern with him for use on the return journey. The party went on very well till about midnight, with a lot of wining and dining. Banta left in a jolly mood and reached home safely in the early hours. The next morning there was a knock on the door. "Santa Sahib sent me to enquired whether you reached home safe and sound last night," Santa`s servant said. With a smile, Banta replied, "Oh yes. There was no problem," The servant then said, "Sir, you left your lantern at our place; instead you brought along the cage of our parrot with you. I have come to return you lantern and take back the cage." |
| The collector asked Banta for his rail ticket. Banta searched his pockets but could not find it. Never mind, reassured the collector, I will take your word that you bought your ticket. That is very kind of you, replied Banta, but if I don`t find it, I want to know where to get off. |
| Santa and Banta once go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. Mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don`t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Santa catches a fish. As they`re driving home they`re really depressed. Santa turns to Banta and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" Banta says, "Wow! Then it`s a good thing we didn`t catch any more!" |