| Once a police officer pulls over Banta who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to Banta`s window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." Banta says, "Sorry officer I can not do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I will have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can not do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I will bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I am sorry officer I can not do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I will get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can not do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I am too drunk to do that." |
| Our Banta is in police department. He is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn`t look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb." |
| Santa (tourists guide), was talking with a group of school kids at Zoo when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf. "Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon." "What did you do?" the little girl asked. "What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast." "How did you get away?" "As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage." |
| Banta: Waiter, what`s this fly doing in my soup? Waiter: Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir... Banta: Waiter, there`s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Don`t worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get `em. Banta: Waiter, there`s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Couldn`t be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread. Banta: Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! Waiter: Sorry sir, maybe I`ve forgotten it when I removed the other three. Banta: Waiter, there`s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Surely not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about. Banta: Waiter, there`s a fly swimming in my soup! Waiter: Then we`ve served you too much soup, the fly should be wading. Banta: Waiter, there`s a dead fly in my soup! Waiter: Yes sir, it`s the hot water that kills them. Banta: Waiter, there`s a dead fly in my soup! Waiter: What do you expect for $1 - a live one? |