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Know all!
Banta was bragging to his boss one day,” You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Banta how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Banta and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Banta! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Banta’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Banta that he thinks Banta is knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Banta says.
"President Clinton,” his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Banta says, "I know him, let’s fly out to Washington."
At the White House, Clinton spots Banta on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Banta, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and have a cup of coffee first."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House, he expresses his doubts to Banta, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Banta. "My folks are from Poland, and I have known the pope a long time."
So they fly to Rome. Banta and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Banta says, "This will never work. I cannot catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I will come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Banta emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Banta returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss side, Banta asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says,” I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,” Who is that on the balcony with Banta?" -
Punjabi and Bengali Patriotrism
Banta and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State s patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.
They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly.
"Bhagat Singh" said Santa and pulled one hair from the Bengali.
"Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.
They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Santa s ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.
Banta was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter`s name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali`s head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh". -
Lotto !
Santa finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he s in serious financial trouble. He is so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray...........
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I have lost my business and if I do not get some money, I am going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Santa goes back to the temple.....................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I have lost my business, my house and I am going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Santa still has no luck!! Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I have lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I do not often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order ?".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Santa is confronted by the voice of Lord :
"SANTA , BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST". -
Address please !
A cop pulls up Santa and Banta, drunk, and says to Santa, "What is your name and address ?"
"I am Santa, of no fixed address."
The cop turns to Banta, and asks the same question.
"I am Banta, and I live in the flat above Santa."