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Upload to Facebook Kids who get the perfect attendance award are either really lucky to have avoided being sick most of the year or really unlucky to have parents that made them go to school even when they felt like sh*t! -
Upload to Facebook I am at that point where I'm not even procrastinating anymore, I'm just jeopardizing my future! -
Upload to Facebook All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables.
Staying home.
Having a nap.
Going to bed early! -
Upload to Facebook The only reason I was friends with some people in high school was that I saw them 5 days a week! -
Upload to Facebook You don't realize how much stuff needs labeling until you buy a label-maker! -
Upload to Facebook `We can't eat at McDonald's twice in one day. That's too sad.`
~ My 7-year-old daughter shaming me -
Upload to Facebook Someone laughing after they are finished crying is the human equivalent of a rainbow! -
Upload to Facebook Without the laugh track, conversations in sitcoms have a lot of awkward pauses! -
Upload to Facebook "I would die for" and "I would kill for" are opposites despite being used to express the same thing! -
Upload to Facebook As a child, it seemed like parents had eyes on the back of their heads. As adults, it's clear that little kids are extremely predictable!
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