Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?
I urge all our listeners to masturbate. Right now. Because it takes the wind right out of the sex drive. We don't want rapists going into society half-cocked and ready to go. If they masturbate, they'll say, 'Uhh...I think I'll rape tomorrow instead.'