| The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. |
| Parking is such sweet sorrow. |
| Middle age begins with the first mortgage and ends when you drop dead. |
| We have football weather during baseball season, and baseball weather during football season. |
| Like a camel, I can go without a drink for seven days -- and have on several horrible occasions. |
| Logic has no answer to passion. |
| I hope I go to heaven, and when I do, I'm going to do what every San Franciscan does when he gets there. He looks around and says, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco'." |
| A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. |
| Martinis are like breasts, one isn't enough, and three is too many. |
| San Franciscans have a bond of self-satisfaction bordering on smugness. |