| It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. (Not even remotely) |
| I pulled a mustache hair out today while I was at a restaurant. I don't know why the waitress was upset & called the security. I was just trying to help her! |
| Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad that you are alive? I just did, and apparently, I won't be allowed on this airline again! |
| Science puns make me numb: . . . . . But math puns make me number! |
| English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though! |
| A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll ya have?" The rabbit says "I dunno. I'm only here because of Autocorrect!" |
| Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver. Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it! |
| Michael Schumacher may be the fastest driver but have you seen me driving to the liquor store minutes before it closes? |
| A man to a girl in a bar: Man: Outside?... Under?... To?... Around?... Over?... Girl: Are you trying to preposition me? |
| Why don't the French order 2 eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf! |
