| Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce? Woman: Every time I sit on my husband's lap, he starts dictating! |
| When lawyers die, why are they buried in holes 20 feet deep? Because deep down, they're all nice guys. |
| Lawyer: the larval stage of a politician! |
| What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. |
| What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand. |
| What's the difference between a tragedy and a catastrophe? A tragedy is a ship full of bankers going down in a storm; a catastrophe is when they can all swim! |
| What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion! |
| What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A leech will let go when its victim dies. |
| Q: What's wrong with "Lawyer Jokes"? A: Lawyers don't think they're funny; and nobody else thinks they're jokes. |
| If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? |