| Marriage is nature's way of stopping people from fighting with strangers. |
| It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. |
| If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. |
| I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late |
| A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. |
| Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. |
| My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign. Together we make mud. |
| We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me. |
| An unmarried man has no buttons on his shirt. A married man has no shirt. |
| I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls. |