| There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out. So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, "Big chief, no fart." The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tomorrow to tell him what happened. The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart." The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time. The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart." The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans. The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart." The doctor gives him 1,000 cans of beans and says, "If this doesn't work then nothing will." The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor. The doctor anxiously asked, "Well, did it work?" The messenger boy says, "Big fart, no chief!" |
| At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes. Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control." Bush replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses." |
Wrong Question John and Mike are walking from religious service. John wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mike replies, 'Why don't you ask the... 
Drinking Ass An Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation, vehement that alcohol was the work of the devil.
Fried Eggs! A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
Mule for Sale? Farmer Joe had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Joe's wife... 
The Undertaker! A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said... 
